The unpredictability of motherhood

Nothing quite prepared me for the unpredictability and chaos of motherhood.

You can have weeks where you feel like you’ve got everything together, all your ducks in a row, and then suddenly sickness hits, sleep disappears, plans unravel and everything feels overwhelming again.

I sometimes laugh at the promises I make to myself. I’ll start that fitness routine next week. I’ll be more organised. I’ll cook better meals. I’ll feel more in control, and then next week arrives and the reality of family life takes over, and those promises barely get a look in.

What I don’t think we talk about enough is what this unpredictability does to our nervous systems.

There are very few true reset moments in early motherhood. The laundry basket is never empty. The food gets eaten and needs replacing. The clutter returns. Someone always needs something. Even when things look calm on the outside, internally we are often bracing for the next demand.

When your body never fully switches off, your tolerance naturally lowers. You snap more quickly. You feel overstimulated. You hand over the iPad just to get ten minutes of peace. You scroll on your phone to numb out for a moment. You say something sharper than you meant to and then the old familiar guilt creeps in.

One of the hardest things I notice again and again is how self-blaming we are as women.

We think it’s a personal failing that we haven’t just got it all together or that we aren’t more grateful. But what if it’s not actually your fault? What if the issue lies in the fact that you’ve been operating under low-grade stress for far longer than your system was designed to sustain?

Motherhood, especially when children are young, can feel relentless. Of course your body gets tired. Of course your patience thins. In many ways, the support systems around modern motherhood simply aren’t there. We are still expected to do so much, all of the time, and to look good doing it.

It is an impossible and unrealistic task.

So before you judge yourself this week, it might be worth asking: when was the last time I actually felt rested? Not just physically, but mentally. When was the last time my nervous system felt settled?

Self-compassion is not indulgent. Moments of rest are not weakness. In a life that rarely slows down, allowing yourself space to pause and process is not a luxury, it is necessary, because you deserve to be ok.